​20-year-old Bob Ryder came to his AA sponsor with a chilling tale

Bob Ryder repeatedly bashed Danita in the head with a clock after he caught her going through his wallet

​20-year-old Bob Ryder came to his AA sponsor with a chilling tale. He told Floyd Nadeau that he'd been partying with a hooker at his home in Lewiston, Maine. Then she began whining with her tales of woe. He also caught Danita Brown going through his wallet.

In a fit of rage, he bashed Danita Brown repeatedly in the head with a wooden clock. Then he dumped her body in the basement of his home.

But here's where the plot thickens. It would take Nadeau almost two weeks to tell the cops of the confession. He claims he was worried about violating Alcoholics Anonymous' teachings on confidentiality -- as if the organization thought it was a really good idea to cover up a murder. 

And when Ryder confessed to police about what he'd done, Nadeau was also implicated. 

According to Ryder, his rendezvous with Danita began in mid-June. He told police and he and Nadeau were cruising for hookers when they picked her up. Ryder paid her $200 and they spent the next few days partying, with Danita occasionally leaving to score dope. 

But when she started to complain about personal and family problems, and Ryder caught her going through his wallet, he smashed her in the head with a wooden clock that sat on a bedside table. 

He then dumped her body in the basement. She was naked from the waist down, and he buried her pants and underwear. 

Ryder, who was discharged from the Marines for mental problems, claims he blacked out during the attack and was experiencing post-traumatic stress syndrome. 

But when he told Nadeau of the murder, instead of going to police, he claims his AA sponsor advised him to buy baking soda to cover up the smell of the body. Nadeau says he never offered that advice. But interestingly enough, he has a long history of violence against women.

Danita disappeared after saying she headed to the pharmacy to fill a prescription

​UPDATE: Danita Brown disappeared after running an errand to the pharmacy.

The 38-year-old woman was engaged to be married to Mike Tibbetts. They'd met in 2005. Their daughters were friends in high school who conspired to set their parents up. 

The couple had gone on to have a son of their own. He's now 4, and he was Brown's ninth child. 

But it seems Brown also had a wild streak. She had a habit of impulsively taking off. When she never returned from a brief trek to the pharmacy, Tibbetts assumed she'd gone to visit friends or relatives. He'd called around, but no one seemed to know where she was. 

It doesn't appear that Tibbetts ever reported her missing. It wasn't until police showed up at his door that he knew his fiancee was dead. 

Defeat Your Ego Before it Defeats You

 

“He’s so full of himself” is a statement of derision. The irony of life is that whoever said it is probably full of herself too. Such is life. But does it have to be that way? While it is too much to expect to change others, you can certainly reduce your own ego and I recommend it. What few gains I have made in ego reduction have greatly increased a deep and lasting sense of well-being in my life. That is why I consider this topic top priority for both happiness and success training. First, what is ego? There are many different definitions, so I will clarify. I don’t mean that ego is your self, otherwise killing ego would be killing yourself, a terrible misunderstanding. Instead, I mean it is an illusory concept of self, inflated beyond reality. In this sense, killing your ego gets you in tune with reality. Sounds good, but there’s a catch. Wouldn’t that make you depressed? If ego protects you from the truth you don’t want to know about yourself, doesn’t destruction of ego open you up to depressing truths? Well, that depends. The only reason those truths are unwanted in the first place is because we are attached to the notion they are true. Having your sense of self popped is depressing for anyone. However, having no ego, by which I mean a sense of self that is accurate, means much less chance for disappointment. I’ll discuss how to get there in a moment. In other words, if you are not attached to a particular outcome, any outcome can be a pleasant reminder that you are alive. It’s quite nice. I invite you to try it. Lies are social lubricant because ego cannot handle the truth. Flattery, because of ego, is something that always works, though you would like to believe it doesn’t work on you (it does), but the less ego you have the less flattery can fool you. Do you really want to reward people for lying to you? Perhaps, if it makes you feel better. But soothing the ego only makes you feel better in the sense that smoking a cigarette makes you feel better: it keeps you from feeling worse. You would feel even better than that if you did not smoke at all. Likewise, without ego, you do not require soothing lies, and this will save you a lot of energy. Not only will you not have to lie to yourself, you will not have to work so hard to cover up for your (poorly concealed) self-delusions or build your ego back up while reality continually damages it. That’s never any fun. Most people assume an inflated ego is an unalterable reality, probably because most people have one all their lives. The normal, happy person consistently overestimates her abilities. Nevertheless, there are many people who have successfully reduced the ego and exhibit greater happiness and poise as a result. What did they do? Ask the happiest person you know, and see what she says. Check her recommendations against mine. Ego gets in the way of more happiness and more success. The good news is you can reduce it. HOW TO KICK THE EGO HABIT This is where your typical 7-10 steps is a waste of time. They have too many “don’ts” and too few “dos”. That can be frustrating and ineffective. I will simply share a habit or two that helps me and which I think will help the most people. Two may be one too many, since these habits are difficult and take much practice. Do only what makes sense to you. Seek doing your best instead of personal achievement. Getting in the zone and working hard makes you feel better, do better and frees you from your limiting ego. Practice concerning yourself with doing your best and getting in the zone, without benchmarking. This is huge. If you need to be “good” you will become discouraged by the fact that we all start out at the beginning and things take longer than we wish them to. So you will need to be lied to in order to keep going. “You’re doing a great job!” That is how we treat children. The problem is that when we assume we are doing better than we really are, we get scraped up real good. Ouch. Now consider the alternative. If you realize that doing your best is a deep source of satisfaction, no matter how you end up, the truth is always good news. You have plenty of room for improvement. And, since the unadulterated truth is the best aid for doing your best without running into barriers or waiting for external reinforcement, the truth will become your friend, not your enemy, and flattery will be your enemy, not your friend. Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck calls this the Growth Mindset, and she finds that when a child adopts it, even for a moment, his capacity to handle honest feedback goes through the roof, almost instantly. On the flip side, 40 percent of those whose intelligence was praised overstated their scores to peers. “We took ordinary children and made them into liars,” Dweck says. Similarly, Enron executives who’d been celebrated for their innate talent would sooner lie than fess up to problems and work to fix them. [Stanford Magazine]. When young people’s sense of self-worth is bound up in the idea that they are smart—a quality they come to understand as a genetic blessing from the sky—at least three bad things can happen. Some students become lazy, figuring that their smarts will bail them out in a pinch. Others conclude that the people who praise their intelligence are simply wrong, and decide that it isn’t worth investing effort in homework. Still others might care intensely about school but withdraw from difficult tasks or tie themselves in knots of perfectionism. (To understand this third group, think of the Puritans: They did not believe they had any control over whether they were among God’s elect, but they nonetheless searched endlessly for ways to display that they had been chosen, and they were terrified of any evidence that they were not.) [The Chronicle Review] Meditate on the idea that the individual self and the universal soul are one and the same, aka “all is one.” Don’t try and prove logically that it’s true or false. That would be absurd and frustrating. The authors of the Upanishads spent years contemplating and arguing among each other until they agreed on this one basic truth: all is one. The wisdom from all corners of the world seems to boil down to the same statement. The tremendous benefit of this centering belief is that you understand that you are simultaneously eternal and infinitesimal. When you die, you lose nothing. If you hurt another person, you are hurting both yourself and the whole world. I don’t know why, but this idea gives me deep serenity, and no shelter for ego. If you don’t like the spiritual flavor of that, meditate on the scientific probability that there are infinite universes. That has a very similar conclusion, part of which is that there is no reason to make such a big deal about getting your way or to bemoan minutiae. However, there is no reason not to either, so I cannot say you are wrong to disagree with me here. All I can say is what I sincerely recommend. ONE CAUTION Though you choose to reduce ego to improve your quality of life, be sure to respect other people’s decisions not to reduce ego or to have a poor quality of life. You can still try to convince them and, besides, doing so respectfully will be most effective. Of course, if you reduce ego, you will naturally respect others’ decisions. I just mention this because it is one place I tripped up many times.

For reasons still obscure, the program and the fellowship of AA could cause a surrender which in turn would lead to a period of no drinking.

 

 It became ever more apparent that in everyone's psyche there existed an unconquerable ego which bitterly opposed any thought of defeat. Until that ego was somehow reduced or rendered ineffective, no likelihood of surrender could be anticipated. AA, still very much in its infancy, was celebrating a third or fourth anniversary of one of the groups. The speaker immediately preceding me told in detail of the efforts of his local group—which consisted of two men—to get him to dry up and become its third member. After several months of vain efforts on their part and repeated nose dives on his, the speaker went on to say: "Finally, I got cut down to size and have been sober ever since," a matter of some two or three years. When my turn came to speak, I used his phrase "cut down to size" as a text around which to weave my remarks. Before long, out of the corner of my eye, I became conscious of a disconcerting stare. It was coming from the previous speaker. It was perfectly clear: He was utterly amazed that he had said anything which made sense to a psychiatrist. The incident showed that two people, one approaching the matter clinically and the other relying on his own intuitive report of what had happened to him, both came up with exactly the same observation: the need for ego reduction. It is common knowledge that a return of the full-fledged ego can happen at any time. Years of sobriety are no insurance against its resurgence. No AA's, regardless of their veteran status, can ever relax their guard against a reviving ego. The function of surrender in AA is now clear. It produces that stopping by causing the individual to say, "I quit. I give up on my headstrong ways. I've learned my lesson." Very often for the first time in that individual's adult career, he has encountered the necessary discipline that halts him in his headlong pace. Actually, he is lucky to have within him the capacity to surrender. It is that which differentiates him from the wild animals. And this happens because we can surrender and truly feel, "Thy will, not mine, be done." Unfortunately, that ego will return unless the individual learns to accept a disciplined way of life, which means the tendency toward ego comeback is permanently checked. This is not news to AA members. They have learned that a single surrender is not enough. Under the wise leadership of the AA "founding fathers" the need for continued endeavor to maintain that miracle has been steadily stressed. The Twelve Steps urge repeated inventories, not just one, and the Twelfth Step is in itself a routine reminder that one must work at preserving sobriety. Moreover, it is referred to as Twelfth Step work—which is exactly what it is. By that time, the miracle is for the other person.

Murder in the Rooms of AA

One AA sponsor was falsely implicated in the slaying of a prostitute, while another was gunned down after divulging someone's top-secret "fourth step" confession. Just how protected are you when helping people who may be mentally ill—or even dangerous?  

Killing the messenger

 

Confessing less-than-savory acts to a trusted AA sponsor is not an unusual scenario for most people during the early days of their recovery. A “fearless moral inventory,” in fact, is one of the backbones of the 12-step program. But what would you do if someone confessed something to you in an AA meeting that went far beyond the bounds of the usual the usual tales of drug-induced bad behavior?  What if they confessed to cold-blooded murder?  When 20-year-old Bob Ryder came to his sponsor, Floyd Nadeau, with something on his conscience, Nadeau surely had no idea that what he was about to hear would have a lasting impact on both men’s lives.

There have been many high profile cases of murder prosecutions hinging on admissions of guilt coming to light during AA meetings. This one was among the most biizarre.

According to Nadeu, Ryder confessed that he had been getting high with a prostitute at his home in Lewiston, Maine when the prostitute started to “irritate him” by constantly complaining about her tough life. The final straw came when Ryder allegedly caught the woman rifling through his wallet. According to Nadeu, Ryder said that he grabbed the nearest thing to hand—a wooden clock—and viciously beat his victim to death with it before concealing the body in the basement of his home.

Nadeu later told authorities that at first he was highly skeptical that Ryder had murdered anyone. His sponsee, after all,  had a history of mental problems, which had led to his being discharged from the marines. But to prove he was telling the truth, Ryder supposedly took Nadeu down into the basement and showed him the decomposing corpse. Still, it would be over two weeks before Nadeu went to the police; when questioned on this seemingly inexplicable delay, Nadeu claimed that he was worried about violating AA’s teachings on confidentiality.  

But the sponsor had even more revelations to come. After Ryder was arrested, he claimed that he and Nadeu had been cruising for prostitutes when they picked up the victim, Danita Brown, a mother of nine children. Ryder claimed that he and Nadeu had spent two days partying with Brown before the murder, and though he killed the woman while Nadeu was out, he insists that he immediately told Nadeu about his crime as soon as he came back. Ryder added that his sponsor had advised him to use baking soda to cover the corpse’s odor. Nadeu denies all the allegations. "I had nothing to do with it," Nadeau is reported as saying, "and I've been cleared." The truth will no doubt be unraveled now that Ryder has been formally charged with Brown’s murder.

Of course, it’s really not a surprise that a program that deals exclusively with addicts—and thus people who are sometimes, by extension, leading criminal lifestyles—might involve those who have several nasty skeletons in their closets or have issues beyond substance abuse. There have been many high profile cases of murder prosecutions hinging on admissions of guilt coming to light during AA meetings. Last year in Alabama, Jamie Letson was found guilty of the 1980 murder of an 18-year-old student. The case remained unsolved until Letson confessed to her AA sponsor about it in 2002. There was also the case of Southern California resident Scott Gordon Reynolds, who was sentenced to 50 years for the murder of his AA sponsor, Uriel Noriega, in 2008. The killing, which took place in front of multiple witnesses during a meeting at St. Luke's Episcopal Church in Long Beach, California, occurred because,when Reynolds snapped after he found out that Noriega had told other members at the AA meeting that Reynolds was gay. He said the secret was known only to his mother and his sponsor.  Reynolds told police he took the gun to the meeting with the intention of committing suicide in front of the group, but once he got there, he had a change of heart and decided to murder Noriega instead. If Reynolds’ version of events is to be believed, this case is an interesting inverse of Ryder’s, where an alleged disregard for AA’s principle of anonymity led to tragedy. (The prosecutor has gone on record to say that Reynolds’ claims were never fully proven in court).

Still, both of these cases bring up some interesting ethical questions, such as: what are the limits of confidentiality in AA? What should you do if you’re sponsoring someone who seems mentally ill or dangerous? And is there any kind of legal protection over what you say in a meeting or to a sponsor?

According to Michael Cohen, the executive director of Florida Lawyers Assistance and a legal expert who is in recovery himself, "Probably the best course of action would be for a sponsor to let the sponsee know in advance that if the sponsee confesses to a crime, there is always a possibility that the sponsor could be forced to disclose the information, or that the sponsor might do it voluntarily if they were really troubled by the disclosure. I would advise anyone I sponsored that if they needed to disclose this type of information, they might want to consider doing it to a therapist or clergy, in which case it would be protected by statute."

“Unlike attorney-client, doctor-patient, substance abuse treatment counselor-client, or priest-penitent relationships, there is no statutory confidentiality protection for sponsors or 12 Step group members, and they have been compelled in some cases to testify about information received,” Cohen explains. “The police could threaten to charge the sponsor with obstruction of justice if they refused to cooperate.” Under US law, while therapists and other professionals are legally obliged to disclose information to the authorities if they believe a client presents a danger to themselves or others, this statute protects them from having to testify in court.

“We’re only as sick as our secrets,” says one AA mantra. But what about a case where the secret is murder?

There are a few legal precedents here. In the case ofCox Vs Miller, a 2002 decision by the 2nd circuit court of New York struck down a previous decision by the Southern District of New York Court’s which said that a confession of murder by Cox (disclosed to several AA members) fell under the auspices of New York’s clergy privilege, the 2nd circuit court’s decision was that since the confession was not made “in order to seek spiritual guidance,” it did not qualify. However, the court did not go as far as to analyze whether or not Alcoholics Anonymous should be treated in the eyes of the law as a traditional religion for future clerical privilege analysis, therefore leaving something of a grey area for future cases.

AA is a program that doesn’t differentiate. Meetings take place everywhere from exclusive Beverly Hills neighborhoods to the bowels of maximum-security prisons. When I was in drug treatment, I felt that I could—and should—talk openly about the petty theft and fraud I’d engaged in to fund my heroin habit, as it was part of the process of “getting better.” “We’re only as sick as our secrets,” says one AA mantra. But what about a case where the secret is murder?

“Spiritual suggestions are not above the law,” said an AA spokesperson I talked to about these issues, adding that there is often confusion between the idea of anonymity and “privileged communication.”

“The tradition of anonymity does not mean that AA members enjoy privileged communication as we are not professionals,” the spokesperson told me. “However, Bill W. tells us in the Big Book that our sobriety allows us to become citizens of the world again. I think that based upon our core principles, most AA members would encourage one another to take responsibility for their actions.”

AA has long strived to protect its identity as a program without leaders, a program built upon the foundation of addict helping other addicts. But I can’t help but wonder—given some of the examples detailed here—whether or not some kind of formal training should be required before someone takes on the massive responsibility of sponsoring another addict. After all, if I were to set up an office tomorrow and advertise myself as a psychotherapist, I imagine I would be closed down in a matter of weeks unless I had the necessary qualifications. Yet AA sponsors, unpaid and untrained, are entrusted with the spiritual and mental wellbeing of fragile—and occasionally dangerous—newly sober people every single day. Surely it’s not too critical to suggest that the program as a whole should consider implementing some basic protections for sponsors and sponsees alike?

Whatever the eventual truths that emerge from the Ryder murder case however, anyone who argues that cases like this prove that the rooms of AA are dangerous is missing the point. There’s nothing more threatening happening in the meetings and fellowship than anywhere else where you may come into regular contact with your fellow human beings. (During the years I attended AA meetings, the most dangerous thing I ever encountered was the second-hand smoke wafting over from the usual huddle of chain-smoking ex-dope fiends.) For every tale of a 12-step tragedy, there are hundreds if not thousands of stories being shared about lives being saved. And sometimes, as it turns out, the rooms themselves can be a safeguard—as they were for an unlucky armed robber who was gunned down while trying to rob a particularly well-armed AA meeting in Greenville, South Carolina. How many other places are there where the guy sitting next to you—who happens to have a concealed weapons permit—is willing to risk his life in order to keep the group safe?

No A.A.'s, regardless of their veteran status, can ever relax their guard against a reviving ego.

 

 The function of surrender in A.A. is now clear. It produces that stopping by causing the individual to say, "I quit. I give up on my headstrong ways. I've learned my lesson." Very often for the first time in that individual's adult career, he has encountered the necessary discipline that halts him in his headlong pace. Actually, he is lucky to have within him the capacity to surrender. It is that which differentiates him from the wild animals. And this happens because we can surrender and truly feel, "Thy will, not mine, be done." Unfortunately, that ego will return unless the individual learns to accept a disciplined way of life, which means the tendency toward ego comeback, is permanently checked. This is not news to A.A. members. They have learned that a single surrender is not enough. Under the wise leadership of the A.A. "founding fathers" the need for continued endeavor to maintain that miracle has been steadily stressed. The Twelve Steps urge repeated inventories, not just one, and the Twelfth Step is in itself a routine reminder that one must work at preserving sobriety. Moreover, it is referred to as Twelfth Step work-which is exactly what it is. By that time, the miracle is for the other person.

The addiction to drugs, food, alcohol, etc. is nothing compared to the addiction we humans have to thinking.

The addiction to drugs, food, alcohol, etc. is nothing compared to the addiction we humans have to thinking. Sitting quietly in silence is so foreign to most of us that the mind quickly starts thinking of its "problems" simply because it feels more "natural." We say we want peace, but because of our conditioning many of us actually feel more comfortable worrying. Worrying about what? Anything, the mind is not picky. -Michael Jeffreys

Take 5 seconds just to be quiet.

Take 5 seconds just to be quiet. Everything that disappeared in those 5 seconds for you, that’s what’s not real. So when you are not thinking, everything that disappears… that’s what’s not real. For most people, that’s about 99% of their whole experience of life… their whole world.

Take 5 seconds just to be quiet.

Everything that disappeared in those 5 seconds for you, that’s what’s not real. So when you are not thinking, everything that disappears… that’s what’s not real. For most people, that’s about 99% of their whole experience of life… their whole world.

If Life has no interest in the past, why should you?

 

If Life has no interest in the past, why should you? –Michael Jeffreys

It doesn't matter what it is--an atom, a thought, a sound, a situation, a body, a mental state, a plant a storm, a mountain, or a galaxy--everything that we know of is changing

 

It doesn't matter what it is--an atom, a thought, a sound, a situation, a body, a mental state, a plant a storm, a mountain, or a galaxy--everything that we know of is changing, either quickly or slowly. Inward and outward, big or small, there is only this shift and flux. If this is fully acknowledged, it may be realized that this is all that actually exists. No object or "thing" is ever truly formed anywhere. Nothing is ever established or defined. No thing ever comes to stay, to exist, to "be."

DREAMWARRIOR teaches how to become fundamentally present and how to arise in mastery of your mind and ego

DREAMWARRIOR teaches how to become fundamentally present and how to arise in mastery of your mind and ego, so that you are no longer involuntarily pulled out of Presence. teaches that the fully awakened state of consciousness is available now. It is not something that occurs in the future. It is already here, waiting to be revealed. As you awaken into the present moment, your thoughts will stop, your mind will fall silent, and you will awaken to an inner silence and peace that is beyond understanding. You will begin to encounter what the mystics and Masters have been speaking of for centuries.

The world we see merely reflects our own internal frame of reference

 

The world we see merely reflects our own internal frame of reference--the dominant ideas, wishes and emotions in our minds. We look inside first, decide the kind of world we want to see and then project that world outside, making it the truth as we see it. We make it true by our interpretations of what it is we are seeing. -A Course in Miracles

As Bill Sees It-Selfish? - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

 

" I can see why you are disturbed to hear some A.A. speakers say, 'A.A. is a selfish program.' The word 'selfish' ordinarily implies that one is acquisitive, demanding, and thoughtless of the welfare of others. Of course, the A.A. way of life does not at all imply such undesirable traits. "What do these speakers mean? Well, any theologian will tell you that the salvation of his own soul is the highest vocation that a man can have. Without salvation--however we may define this--he will have little or nothing. For us of A.A., there is even more urgency. "If we cannot or will not achieve sobriety, then we become truly lost, right in the here and now. We are of no value to anyone, including ourselves, until we find salvation from alcohol. Therefore, our own recovery and spiritual growth have to come first--a right and necessary kind of self-concern."

AA First and the “Selfish” Program « Don't Drink and Don't Die

 

AA First and the “Selfish” Program I shudder, shudder, shudder when I hear someone say AA is a selfish program.  Back to the dictionary and the meaning of words. Selfish, the way it’s commonly used, means taking care of oneself only and without regard for others or to the detriment of others.  The word selfish is used many times in the Big Book to mean just that, and it is presented as a bad thing.  Not a good thing. It’s in As Bill Sees It and certainly elsewhere that Bill W said AA is a selfish program.  He said that it’s selfish in the same way that a person cannot enlighten someone else while the person himself is not enlightened.  You can’t make someone believe in something you don’t believe in (or rarely).  You can’t give away what you haven’t got. If an alcoholic is not sober, she is a danger and detriment to herself and everyone else.  This alcoholic must first set about achieving sobriety.  When a new person comes into the rooms and is told what a commitment AA needs to be in the beginning, sometimes the person protests.  People feel they cannot neglect or leave their children or parents or jobs or what have you in order to go to meetings or to rehab.  The point is, this person may actually lose all those things and much more if she doesn’t attain sobriety.  In that way, sobriety has to come first. Rarely, but unfortunately sometimes, I hear a newcomer say that his family or friends are actually against his attendance in AA.  There are lots of reasons for that.  The family or friends may not want to stop drinking, may  be dependent on that person and fear a change, or may have a bad opinion of AA.   In those cases, the newcomer has to defy the people who don’t want him in AA and attend, and hopefully most of them will come around to realize that is best. Usually, though, I hear the “selfish” program phrase thrown around when someone is considering giving less than is appropriate to some other area of life.  We are not encouraged to neglect our families, careers, or other responsibilities in order to devote time to AA or our other spiritual quests.  It is plainly written again and again that we are to rejoin society and serve and contribute, not crawl away into an AA insulated cave where we selfishly look after our own needs and fulfillment. It’s a pet peeve and a prejudice of mine that I see lots of “therapy” and pop psychology as being too introspective  and  selfish to do good for anyone besides the therapist or book author.  And I’m NOT commenting on all therapy and all books.  I know that people have real needs and realize real benefits every day.   Still, for many of us, I do believe that the AA program well worked gives us a good balance of introspection and encouragement to take care of our own – our own being this place and all the people here with us at this time.

A Selfish Program?

 

"A Selfish Program?" I can see why you are disturbed to hear some A.A. speakers say, "A.A. is a selfish program."  The word 'selfish' ordinarily implies that one is acquisitive, demanding, and thoughtless of the welfare of others.  Of course, the A.A. way of life does not at all imply such undesirable traits.  What do these speakers mean?  Well, any theologian will tell you that the salvation of his own soul is the highest vocation that a man can have.  Without salvation-however we may define this-he will have little or nothing.  For us of A.A., there is even more urgency.  If we cannot or will not achieve sobriety, then we become truly lost, right in the here and now.  We are of no value to anyone, including ourselves, until we find salvation from alcohol.  Therefore, our own recovery and spiritual growth have to come first-a right and necessary kind of self-concern.  From As Bill Sees It

THOUGHT Disclaimer WARNNG:

 

 These arisings are not yours and are provided purely for entertainment purposes. Believing thoughts to be accurate, real, true, an actuality, or your true nature will cause intense discomfort and suffering. -Michael Jeffreys

The addiction to drugs, food, alcohol, etc. is nothing compared to the addiction we humans have to thinking.

 

The addiction to drugs, food, alcohol, etc. is nothing compared to the addiction we humans have to thinking. Sitting quietly in silence is so foreign to most of us that the mind quickly starts thinking of its "problems" simply because it feels more "natural." We say we want peace, but because of our conditioning many of us actually feel more comfortable worrying. Worrying about what? Anything, the mind is not picky. -Michael Jeffreys

Surrender is the call from within to fully, absolutely, recognize yourself as freedom itself.

 

Surrender is the call from within to fully, absolutely, recognize yourself as freedom itself. The challenges are huge... they must be, otherwise we would trivialize this experience. Just as we have trivialized so many experiences of love. The surrender must be total. Anything less is a form of self-torture in the name of safety. Living fully as one, as all, is its own safety. The safety is knowing that when this particular life form is finished, what it has served remains. All you need is to trust the peace that has been revealed and to be willing to discover it freshly. At the core of each form of limitation, the boundless, limitless perfection of lasting peace and freedom is revealed. -Gangaji

I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here! contestant Freddie Starr has been taken to hospital after suffering a severe allergic reaction in the jungle

I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here! contestant Freddie Starr has been taken to hospital after suffering a severe allergic reaction in the jungle. According to the Daily Mail, Starr started feeling sick after completing the Greasy Spoon Bushtucker trial with The Only Way Is Essex star Mark Wright and doctors were called to assess the 68-year old's condition. An ITV spokesman has since confirmed the comedian's illness, stating: "Freddie Starr was taken unwell in the jungle. He was immediately attended to by on-site medics and taken to hospital where he was assessed by doctors." They added: "He will remain in hospital overnight as a precaution, and further tests continue. However, Freddie is in great spirits and keeping nursing staff entertained." A show-insider Down Under also explained to the newspaper that Starr's bout of ill-health has nothing to do with his well-documented heart problems, explaining: "Doctors have told us that it’s highly unlikely that what’s happened is related to any pre-existing condition, cardiac or otherwise." "They think he’s had a severe allergic reaction, but they may not be able to pinpoint the cause. The reaction could be due to a spider bite, he might have reacted badly to a leech or a tic, or even a snake he hadn’t noticed." They continued: "He might have reacted badly to the bark of a tree he leant on, or a leaf he touched in passing. Doctors are testing all of these things. The jungle is an alien environment for most of us, but the show is always prepared for all eventualities and this is no exception." "The unpredictability of the jungle is what sets this programme apart from other shows. The element of jeopardy is always there. However, the  celebs are watched 24-hours a day by a huge team of people." The Mail's source added: "There are dozens of cameras on the celebs, as well as 24-hour security in the camp and a huge crew around them. There are also on-site medics around the clock." As for weather the gruesome bug eating task was to blame, the mole claimed: "The foods are all tested on people before they reach the celebrities." "Extreme precautions are taken and bush tucker like the cockroaches are all bred hygienically. It’s unlikely that this is the cause of his reaction, but tests are continuing and we can't rule out anything."

I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here! contestant Freddie Starr has been taken to hospital after suffering a severe allergic reaction in the jungle. According to the Daily Mail, Starr started feeling sick after completing the Greasy Spoon Bushtucker trial with The Only Way Is Essex star Mark Wright and doctors were called to assess the 68-year old's condition. An ITV spokesman has since confirmed the comedian's illness, stating: "Freddie Starr was taken unwell in the jungle. He was immediately attended to by on-site medics and taken to hospital where he was assessed by doctors." They added: "He will remain in hospital overnight as a precaution, and further tests continue. However, Freddie is in great spirits and keeping nursing staff entertained." A show-insider Down Under also explained to the newspaper that Starr's bout of ill-health has nothing to do with his well-documented heart problems, explaining: "Doctors have told us that it’s highly unlikely that what’s happened is related to any pre-existing condition, cardiac or otherwise." "They think he’s had a severe allergic reaction, but they may not be able to pinpoint the cause. The reaction could be due to a spider bite, he might have reacted badly to a leech or a tic, or even a snake he hadn’t noticed." They continued: "He might have reacted badly to the bark of a tree he leant on, or a leaf he touched in passing. Doctors are testing all of these things. The jungle is an alien environment for most of us, but the show is always prepared for all eventualities and this is no exception." "The unpredictability of the jungle is what sets this programme apart from other shows. The element of jeopardy is always there. However, the  celebs are watched 24-hours a day by a huge team of people." The Mail's source added: "There are dozens of cameras on the celebs, as well as 24-hour security in the camp and a huge crew around them. There are also on-site medics around the clock." As for weather the gruesome bug eating task was to blame, the mole claimed: "The foods are all tested on people before they reach the celebrities." "Extreme precautions are taken and bush tucker like the cockroaches are all bred hygienically. It’s unlikely that this is the cause of his reaction, but tests are continuing and we can't rule out anything."

Phone hacking: the names of nearly 30 News International staff appear in Glenn Mulcaire's notebooks

Phone hacking: the names of nearly 30 News International staff appear in Glenn Mulcaire's notebooks, the Leveson inquiry has heard. Photograph: Peter Macdiarmid/Getty Images

The names of 28 News International employees appear in notebooks belonging to Glenn Mulcaire, the private investigator who worked for theNews of the World, the Leveson inquiry into press standards heard on its first day at London's high court.

 

Lord Justice Leveson's inquiry also heard that Mulcaire wrote the words "Daily Mirror" in his notepad, which suggests he may have carried out work for the paper.

 

Robert Jay QC, counsel for the inquiry, told the high court that "at least 27 other News International employees" are named in Mulcaire's paperwork, as well as former News of the World royal editor Clive Goodman, who was jailed for phone hacking along with the private investigator in January 2007.

 

Jay also told the inquiry, which began formal hearings at the high court on Monday: "The inquiry is beginning to receive evidence to indicate that phone hacking was not limited to that organisation [News International]."

 

He said the number of News International names and the scale of the activity indicated there was a culture of phone hacking at the company. "Either management knew what was going on at the time and therefore, at the very least, condoned this illegal activity," he said, or there was "a failure of supervision and oversight".

 

Mulcaire received a total of 2,266 requests from News International journalists, Jay said, 2,142 of which were made by four unnamed reporters. The most prolific of them made 1,453 of those requests.

 

A total of 690 audio tapes were also recovered from Mulcaire's office, Jay revealed, and there was a record of 586 recordings of voicemail messages intended for 64 individuals. The evidence was seized by Metropolitan police officers during a raid in 2006.

 

Mulcaire's 11,000 pages of notes mentioned 5,795 names, he confirmed, who could be potential phone-hacking victims.

 

Jay also said the inquiry had seen documents that suggest Mulcaire was hacking into phone messages ago as early as May 2001.

 

It had been thought until today that the earliest phone hacking by Mulcaire occurred in 2002. The new date is potentially significant because it falls before the 9/11 terrorist attacks.

 

It has been alleged that News International instructed private investigators in the US to target relatives of the victims of the 9/11 attacks, although no proof has so far emerged that this took place.

 

The Sun is also named in Mulcaire's notes, Jay said. Jude Law had cited the Sun along with its former sister paper the News of the World in his civil case against News International, although the Sun has since been dropped from his claim.

 

Several public figures are believed to be preparing civil cases against the Daily Mirror, but none have so far come to court.

 

The paper's publisher, Trinity Mirror, continues to insist that its journalists operate within the law and follow the Press Complaints Commission's code of conduct.

 

A Trinity Mirror spokesman said the company has "no knowledge of ever using Glenn Mulcaire".

 

Jay said the Mulcaire notes showed a "thriving cottage industry" and the "scale of activity gives rise to the powerful inference that it must have occupied Mulcaire full time".

 

Outlining the vast remit of the inquiry, Jay described a "root and branch" investigation of the press that would not be cowed by the powerful range of institutions in the media.

 

He said the inquiry would consider granting "protected measures" to whistleblowers who were afraid of criticising their employer or speaking truthfully about press ethics.

 

The inquiry will not be limited to phone hacking, Jay said, adding that Leveson was keen to learn about all "unlawful and unethical" newsgathering methods, including subterfuge and blagging.

 

The former News of the World undercover reporter, Mazher Mahmood, has submitted written evidence and will give oral evidence to the inquiry at a later date, Jay said.

 

Opening the hearing, Leveson said he had "absolutely no wish" to stifle freedom of speech and expression, and that the inquiry would monitor media coverage to see if it appears that anyone who speaks out is being "targeted adversely".

Dominique Strauss-Kahn has demanded to be questioned by judges investigating an alleged prostitution ring, after media reports linked him to the case.

 Photograph: Miguel Medina/AFP/Getty Images

He is keeping a low profile in Paris, has grown a white beard, and polls show he is the least popular politician in France.

Dominique Strauss-Kahn, forced to quit as head of the IMF and shelve aspirations to become the next French president, had hoped to find solace in France after criminal charges were dropped against him in New York over the alleged attempted rape of a hotel cleaner. But he is dominating the front pages again after his name was linked to a high-profile investigation into an alleged prostitution ring at a luxury hotel in Lille.

The Hotel Carlton affair centres on allegations of pimping at top hotels in the northern French city, where women from France and massage parlours in Belgium were allegedly supplied for hotel customers and local officials. Eight people are under formal investigation, including a senior police officer, a local barrister and businessmen. Five have been imprisoned as the inquiry continues.

The investigation raises questions about the links between police and business figures and the underworld of sex work in France and Belgium. Prostitution involving people over the age of 18 is not illegal in France but pimping and living off the benefits of it is.

The affair took a new turn after Strauss-Kahn's name came up in statements made to investigators, according to a series of leaked transcripts published in the French media in recent weeks.

Businessmen were alleged to have paid women to travel to Paris and the US to take part in "soirées" with Strauss-Kahn at his own request, including when he was head of the IMF and tipped to become the next French president. Le Monde reported that one senior French police officer had travelled twice to Washington DC last year with businessmen, including the head of a Lille-based construction firm, to accompany a group of women who worked in massage parlours in Belgium to see Strauss-Kahn. The former head of the IMF was said to have received three visits from the group in Washington. The last visit ended on 13 May, the day before he was arrested over the attempted rape of a hotel maid in New York.

The senior Lille police officer and two businessmen deny involvement in prostitution.

The first evening organised for Strauss-Kahn was said to have taken place at a luxury Paris hotel in 2009. One sex worker, whose testimony was published by the weekly Le Point, described being accompanied by businessmen on the train from Lille to Paris to meet Strauss-Kahn, who was wearing a bathrobe, and others in a duplex hotel apartment with a pool. She said she was paid €900 (£770) by a businessman on the way back to Lille that night. Other alleged encounters took place in 2010.

A Belgian sex worker in her 30s, known as Jade, told the French newspaper, Nord Eclair, she was taken to Washington for an encounter with Strauss-Kahn in a hotel in January 2010 and paid by businessmen on her return to France. She said Strauss-Kahn showed her around the IMF building and posed for a photograph with her in his office the next day.

But the saga took another twist this week when French media, including Liberation and Le Point, published text messages allegedly sent by Strauss-Kahn to a businessman in the case, which are being investigated by police. In one message, Strauss-Kahn, then head of the IMF, asked if the man wanted to accompany him to a "magnificent" swingers club in Madrid, suggesting he bring "material" – thought to mean women. In another, he said he was taking a girl, "une petite", to clubs in Vienna and would the man like to come with a "demoiselle", or "Miss". A few days later he asked if the "suite with pool" had been booked. The text messages do not explicitly refer to prostitution.

Strauss-Kahn issued a statement through his lawyers on Friday demanding to be interviewed by investigative judges in the case as soon as possible, and denouncing a "media lynching". The statement said Strauss-Kahn was ready to "explain himself" not before the tribunal of public opinion but "in front of those running the judicial inquiry". Last month, his lawyers urged judges to interview him so he could answer what he deemed "hasty and malevolent" accusations.

Strauss-Kahn's lawyer, Henri Leclerc, told the Guardian he had no comment to make on the case. He said his client had not yet been interviewed by investigators.

If Strauss-Kahn had consenting, paid-for encounters with sex workers aged over 18, it would not be a crime in France. But the publication this week of text messages to one businessman mentioning meetings with other top Socialists, raised questions about whether the men could expect political access or favours in exchange for providing what one had termed "girlfriends, meaning prostitutes" for him.

One businessman in the case said he paid for flights and costs. He is believed to have spent thousands of euros of company money on organising soirées for Strauss-Kahn, putting receipts marked with the initials DSK through his expense accounts. He told investigators Strauss-Kahn had not paid for anything.

The French media questioned Strauss-Kahn's behaviour during a period in which he was tipped to become the next president of France. "The net is tightening around DSK," said the daily Le Parisien on Friday.

Sarah Harding has completed her 2-month stint in rehab

Sarah Harding's ex Calum Best is glad she got the help she needed

 

 

The Girls Aloud star, 29, was treated for alcohol abuse and depression after calling off her engagement to DJ Tom Crane, 31.

Sarah and Tom were due to marry next summer after getting engaged this New Year.

'They've been in regular contact throughout her time away but only on the phone. They've spoken most days and it seems like they could have a chance of giving it another shot,' a source tells the Sunday Mirror.

Sarah's ex Calum Best, 30, is glad that Sarah got professional help.

'Everyone has their dark times, but Sarah's strong and will come out of this period even stronger, he told us last month

London’s newest and most fashionable hotel bling is Whitehall’s Corinthia Hotel

Hotels have become the newest and most luxurious of flaunt-able accessories.

Fashion houses, celebrities and the anonymous super rich want to own them and the rest of us just want to say we’ve stayed there.

London’s newest and most fashionable hotel bling is Whitehall’s Corinthia Hotel: a shiny new bauble of a five star property ensconced in a hallowed vintage building that once housed the UFO wing of MI6 (it’s true, I heard it from the hotel’s concierge). The heart of the hotel is the dome-covered lobby lounge, dressed to the 9′s with a “Full Moon” chandelier by Parisian designer Chafik Gasmi. You want to talk bling; this baby has over 1,001 twinkling crystals winking seductively as government officials, embassy big wigs and arm candy girlfriends sip gin and tonics or take afternoon tea with cucumber sandwiches below.

Upstairs the rooms are lush, Frette linen-wrapped and full of fab extras like Hi Definition TV in the marble bathroom, super sleek electronic hook ups and my favorite: ESPA soaps, scrubs and shampoos in the walk in shower. ESPA fans will want to make a pilgrimage to the hotel just for the new ESPA Life SPA that covers four floors and includes an indoor pool, a vitality pool and–wait for it–an ice fountain.

Downstairs, the hotel’s two restaurants: Northhall and Massimo and the Bassoon Bar are abuzz with London’s Yummy Mummies, MP’s who work nearby and “Dragon’s Den”-like entrepreneurs who clearly feel the Corinthia is the fashion accessory of the moment. Dinining in Northhall is like a trip back in time to the glory days of the Empire with dishes on hand like Goosnargh Duck with Dauphinoise and Buttered Beans and St. Ives Seamed Lemon Sole with Cockles and Clams.

Notwithstanding all the shiny toys to play with, the Corinthia is grounded in luxe hotel 101: spot on service, quality product and a graciousness that reminds one of the old saying attributed to old school Ritz-Carlton staff: “We are ladies and gentlemen serving ladies and gentlemen.”

Casares actually inherited its name from Julius Caesar, who is said to have ridden himself of a nasty skin complaint thanks to his visit to the Hedionda baths

For here, in this sleepy, undeveloped valley is the still-standing Roman bathhouse, where it is said Caesar himself once bathed around 60 BC.

Having survived for over 2000 years, it is a privileged place to spend an hour and the perfect reminder of the rich heritage that has been left on the Andalucian coastline by a succession of marauding cultures.

Casares actually inherited its name from Julius Caesar, who is said to have ridden himself of a nasty skin complaint thanks to his visit to the Hedionda baths, which literally translate as ‘foul-smelling woman’.

But these days there is nothing foul about the classic ‘white town’, which was first shaped by the Romans and later the Moors, who inhabited the region for over 700 years.

Perched on a rocky outcrop and pouring down two sides of a ridge, this most spectacular of Spanish towns looks impressive from every side.

A photographer’s dream, few towns can compare in terms of subject matter.

Backed by the soaring peaks of the Sierra Crestellina, and views towards the Med and Africa, Casares is also blessed with fabulous walks and wildlife, including a colony of vultures and other rare birds, including eagles.

An enterprising company has recently produced an excellent map of the nearby walks, one of which ascends straight out of the village on a steep path into the verdent hills.

Up here the views stretch all the way to Gibraltar and Africa and you will find yourself completely on your own. Well apart from the odd sheep or goat.

In fact, the town is fast becoming known for its excellent goats cheese and yoghurts. Award-winning Quesos Crestellina produces a fantastic range of organic cheeses from its herd of 400 goats that spend the day up on the peaks.

A family-run affair which dates back over a century, owners Ana and Juan run a tight ship aided by their son Juan, who does all the marketing.

“We sell the cheese all over Spain and yoghurts to the local school, as well as the five star Finca Cortesin hotel,” explains Ana, whose shop also stocks some of the region’s best quality local produce.

Head up into the village for a general wander, in particular admiring the labyrinthine Arabic quarter, with its narrow streets and low rise houses. The most impressive part is the Alcazar (or fortress) at the top of the town, first built by the Romans and later strengthened by the Moors.

From here you have spectacular views and an attractive 16th century church that has been recently renovated.

On your way down take a look out for the street Calle Carrera, where one of Andalucia’s heroes Blas Infante was born. Infante, who was shot during the Civil War, was the man who planned, forged and declared Andalucian independence (in nearby Ronda, for history buffs), before being killed at the age of 41.

Nearby Manilva also has its fair share of history. This is clear from the huge expanse of ruins – much of them Roman – that lie, largely ignored, next to the fortress at Manilva port, known as Duquesa.

It is an interesting area, including a bath house, villas and a necropolis, most of which was discovered in the late 1980s, and which one hopes will be properly excavated in the near future.

The fort itself is well worth a poke around. Built in the 1760s to protect the town against continual incursions by pirates, it is incredibly solid and earnt its builder Francisco Paulino a title and the honour of commanding a cavalry company.

It is here where the town hall of Manilva has its archaeological team, which has recently been busy investigating an exciting Roman discovery in the town.

The substantial remains of a kiln dating back to 2AD are in a good condition and were found alongside a series of fragments of pottery.

It is thought the unique design may be the only existing example in Spain and could serve as further evidence of the town’s key role in exporting ‘garum’, one of the most popular products during Roman times.

Then known as Saltum, Manilva became famous for the delicacy, a pungent paste made from fish guts.

Exported to the Eternal City of Rome via boat, it needed to be stored in well-made pots, called amphoras. And it now seems likely that the recently discovered kiln may be where these were made on an almost industrial scale.

While the centre of Manilva is not of great interest, one of the things you cannot fail to miss is the large amount of vineyards clinging to the steep slopes that drop away from the town.

Mostly Moscatel, the vines are largely for growing grapes for raisins, although in recent years there has been an attempt to return to winemaking, with some astonishingly good dessert wine.

“We have seen a lot more people interested in buying the sweet wines over the last few years,” explains local shopkeeper Maria Esteban, who sells the wine, plus a lot more local produce from her unmissable shop Frutas Pascal y Hijos on a bend on the way into town.